Unfortunately, when you’re looking for help because you’re still in love with your ex partner, you can’t turn to the one person you would normally go to for help, namely ‘your ex’. So you have to find someone else who can help you, either to move on or help to win them back.
If you feel you should move on then the kind of break up help you’re going to need depends largely on how bad the relationship and the end of the relationship was. If it was a major trauma that really took it out of you emotionally, then without a doubt you’re going to need plenty of time to recover and get over the relationship.
Taking care of yourself is always key after any emotional turmoil, but in this case where you’ve been tossed around and you still feel that you love your ex, it is even more important. Don’t give yourself a hard time for any decisions you may have made that you now feel were wrong. You did the best you could with what you had, so relax and allow yourself to be human.
Make sure that the break up help you get is to look after you and not to look after your ex. You have left them behind and even if you still have strong feelings for them, they are no longer your responsibility.
If you feel you need to talk to a professional to help you put the whole relationship into perspective then you should do this as soon as possible. In any situation where you’re vulnerable, the sooner you regain your composure and rebuild your self-esteem the better.
If the kind of break up help you’re looking for is help to get your ex back, then you still might need to do some of the things outlined above, but you also have to make sure you’re implementing a well considered plan so you can make up with your ex partner.
So follow what’s already been outlined: taking care of yourself first and foremost, talk to a professional if you feel you have to and forget about your ex for a few weeks while you recover your self-esteem and can start to think clearly.
Once you’re through the initial re-grouping stage, then you can make contact with your ex. Ask for a meeting somewhere neutral. Discuss how you feel but don’t ask them to take you back. At this point all you’re looking to do is get back on friendly terms and see where it leads. Take the time to listen to your ex and hear their point of view, you don’t necessarily have to agree with them, but you do need to listen.
Accept your own part in the breakup and don’t be afraid to tell your ex this. But again, don’t beat yourself up about it. The breakup wasn’t entirely your fault. Your ex also needs to accept their part if a reconciliation is going to work.
Once you’ve spent this time together, don’t contact them again, no matter how hard it is. Let them think on what the two of you have discussed and wait to see what their response is. If you push too hard, you risk coming across as needy and desperate. Neither of which is attractive to anyone.
Remember, that it takes two to make a relationship work.
