Jun
27
You may think that offering breakup advice on a site that is supposed to be offering advice on how to get back with your ex is a little out of place. But trust me, following these 5 tips on surviving a breakup is also a good way to help you get back together with the one you love.
Why?
Because once you start focusing on yourself as an individual and not as part of a couple, your ex will realise that you are still the person they fell in love with initially. You will no longer come across as being desperate and needy, just the opposite in fact. And a confident, happy person is much more attractive than someone who is miserable and desperate.
- Be Self Righteous
- Get Your Feelings Out
- Forward Planning
- Get A Life
- Self Investment
- Number one – what do we mean by being ‘Self Righteous”? Actually, it’s pretty simple. Stop blaming yourself for the breakup. Quit looking at your ex as the perfect partner and accept that they too played a part in the relationship breaking down. All too often, even if you’ve been the victim of a cheating partner, it’s too easy to still see your ex as the victim. Maybe you didn’t love them enough. Perhaps you weren’t as attentive as you should have been. And while those things may very well be true, accept that your ex didn’t talk them through with you and give you the chance to work things out.
- Turn your thoughts around and instead of worrying about how you are going to get back with your ex, consider instead that they are the ones who are losing out. Tell yourself you are a loveable person, and if they can’t see that, then that is their problem and you will simply find someone who can.
- Number two – getting your feelings out in the open. Gather the support of friends and family. Talk through how you are feeling, cry, scream, shout and stamp if needs be. The sooner your feelings are released, the sooner you will start to feel better. While you don’t want to dwell on the breakup, it’s important to acknowledge just how devastatingly it has affected you. Especially in the beginning.
- If you are finding that you are still emotionally unstable after friends and family have grown tired of listening to you, (and this does happen, it happened to me), then seek professional advice. Sometimes, this is actually the best course of action because an outsider has a level of obectivity that your closer circle just doesn’t have. They can help you see things that you may never come to realise otherwise. Your friends will be tempted to agree with whatever you say whereas a professional counsellor will help you distinguish between what is fact and what is the result of your damaged heart influencing your thought processes. I found this especially useful in also helping me with tip number one – being self righteous.
- Number three – forward planning. You can’t keep going over the past. Instead of focusing on ‘what if’ I’d done/said this’, you need to start thinking ‘what if I do this’, ‘what if I go here’. Even if you only plan something 10 minutes in advance to begin with, you can then start planning for tomorrow, or next week, or next month. Thinking and planning for the future without your ex is one of the hardest steps in recovering from a breakup, but its essential to get your head around it.
- It may something as simple as doing your hair, or going for a walk, or clearing out your closet. Once you start planning for the immediate future, it becomes much easier to move on and plan something for next week, and the week after that, and the month after that.
- Number four – getting a life. This actually follows on quite easily once you’ve started using tip number three. You can take up new interests, arrange a night out with your mates, check out the local health club, organise a trip away… Being amongst other people helps to take your mind off your ex, but also gives you the opportunity to make new friends, who may just turn out to be something more!
- Accept that going out without your ex is going to be hard at first, but know this. When your ex sees you are not sitting at home moping but are going out and having fun, you become instantly more attractive. Remember, desperate and needy aren’t attractive characteristics, fun and happy are.
- Number five – self investment. If you’ve followed all the above tips, you’ll realise that you are actually worth investing in for yourself, not as part of a couple. Taking a self development course is great for your self esteem. In fact, learning any new skill is a great boost for your ego, as well as making you more interesting and attractive.
- Maybe you want to go for a promotion at work, or do some evening classes? Whatever it is that you choose to do, investing in yourself helps to reinforce your self respect by proving to yourself that you have value, that you are worthwhile, that you have the ability to learn and add value to your own life as well as to the lives of others.
More than ever a breakup is a time to start loving yourself again. Putting your own feelings at the top of your priorities instead of someone else’s. Your emotional well being is not only vital to your own happiness, it’s also critical if you want someone else to respect it that you respect it yourself. If you can’t love yourself, then how can you expect others to love you?
