Judging from the e-mails you’ve been sending in, it seems that a number of you are more interested in how to get over an ex, than in getting back together with them.
I confess that what surprises me most about this is how quickly different people move from wanting to get back together with an ex to accepting that the ex isn’t the right one and wanting to move on and find the person that is right for them.
Perhaps I shouldn’t be all that surprised. For many ex’s surviving a break up is often the first time they are able to recognise just how damaging the relationship really was. Coming to the realisation that you actually deserve (and can have) a better relationship with someone else is a powerful motivator for moving on to the future instead of trying to fix the past.
With that in mind, I went searching online and found a terrific article that lays out 10 steps you can take, shwoing you how to move on after a break up and get over an ex. Let me know if it helps. : )
How to Get Over an Ex When You’re Still In Love
By Barbara Rose, Ph.D.
1. First, put yourself in the opposite position: If YOU didn’t want to be with someone, and let him or her know it, what would you expect the other person to do? Hopefully let go, and move on with dignity.
2. The biggest “cure all” every time you miss them, or are thinking about them with sadness, is to VIVIDLY remember the times they treated you like DIRT, and ask yourself: “Is THAT what I REALLY WANT?” When the answer is NO – then keep that in your mind. It will replace the old pattern of putting them on a pedestal when they treated you far less than the way you deserved. It will also help you to replace the pain with the truth of the situation.
3. Every time thoughts about them suddenly come into your mind, do the above, AND re-direct your focus on to something that is positive and life enhancing for YOU, or others that you love. You have the power to consciously re-direct your thoughts and FOCUS. Do that every time the blues start to creep in to your consciousness.
4. Really TRUST that everything DOES work out for the best in the long run, and if you can remember a time when you were sad about something, only to be grateful for the growth you’ve made, and how the situation worked out for your highest and best after all, this will help you realize that this situation is no different.
5. View the other person with compassion, rather than with bitterness. Realize that they did the best they were capable of, and if their best was not in your best interest, then it is a gift that they are out of your life!
6. Get deeply and passionately absorbed in your life purpose! THIS is the most powerful thing you can do! Why waste your energy, focus, and attention on a PAST situation, when you can really be making significant and positive difference in your life, as well as in the lives of others!
7. Every time you start to think about them, and begin to play your drama of the past in your mind, consciously CHOOSE to focus on the NOW, and all of the great things you can be doing. Focus on being and expressing your highest and best self. Remember that you don’t NEED them at all. YOU are the gift. They may be a gift as well, however, if they are out of your life, your life MUST carry on in the most vibrant, positive and life-renewing manner possible. This is ALL within your conscious choice and control.
8. Really thank them (in your mind) for every lesson you have learned, every new discovery you have made, and the difference they DID make in your life. Realize that THAT was their purpose for entering your life. So now you can release them with a lot of gratitude, loving compassion, dignity, and grace.
9. Someone that I personally know that is going through the throws of emotional agony in trying to let go of a relationship that just ended said: “We need to know WHY We SHOULD Let THEM GO TO BEGIN WITH!”
The Answer is so that YOU can be FREE FROM PAIN, and misery! So that you can attract someone into your life that will treat you incredibly well, and because you DESERVE to be happy in a real relationship!
Why should you hold out for crumbs from someone similar to a dog waiting on the doormat for a couple of crumbs of attention? Don’t you really deserve to have a fantastic relationship? YES! You do! Everyone does. If you are in pain the majority of the time, then you deserve to free yourself, so that you can live with inner peace, and grow with enough self-love to attract your true counterpart.
You can only attract according to what you believe you deserve, and I swear to you that you WILL attract someone that is far healthier for you once you really learn how to love and appreciate yourself.
Don’t you want to be treated in the best manner possible? So if you are in pain most of the time, that pain is saying: “Hey, get me out of this, because IT HURTS!” And the only way to remove yourself from the source of emotional agony in your life is to make a COMPLETE break.
It’s like keeping your hand halfway in boiling water! If you take your hand out completely, and heal it, then you will be free from pain!
If you choose to keep dipping your fingers into boiling water, this is the same as continuing to return to a painful relationship. One is physical pain, and the other is emotional.
There is no judgment at all. So please do NOT judge yourself for allowing yourself to be treated far less than you deserve. The only thing that matters is what you do from THIS moment forward. Love yourself – a LOT!
10. The only one you will EVER need is YOU. The only one that will NEVER leave you is YOU. So place ALL of your energy on being and expressing all you came into this life for. It is NOT about them – it is all about you and your growth. That is the most important thing. Now you have learned more, and realized more. You have evolved more as a result of all you have been through. As you come to fully awaken to all of your grand possibilities, you really won’t have the time, or the care to focus your attention on a past situation. It is like focusing on anything else that is in the past. NOW is your time to re-claim yourself, and shine as the beacon that you are. You will feel so much better once you take all of the above steps – as long as you really apply them.
© Copyright by Barbara Rose. All rights reserved.
Barbara Rose is an Internationally acclaimed public speaker, spiritual author of: “Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE” “If God Was Like Man”and “Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth, and Your Life”, founder of The Rose Group publishing company, inspire! Magazine, Institute of Higher Self Communication, and Rose Humanitarian Alliance.
She works in Divine Cooperation with others to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity. Through a Divine Spiritual gift she brings through information to create the highest vision of your life, and our world. Her internationally praised seminars, widely published articles, Higher Self Certification intensives, and Divinely Channeled private consultations have changed the lives of thousands across the globe.
For enlightening info, contacts, books, articles and resources to help you become your highest self, visit Barbara’s website: http://www.borntoinspire.com
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Interesting article i totally agree with what you’re saying. Good info.