When you’ve been with someone for any length of time it’s sometimes hard to recognize when the relationship is over. And even when you do, actually taking the step to end it can seem harder than just putting up with the status quo.
I read an article today that got me thinking about breakups and why they’re so hard. (I’ve reprinted it below). For the most part, it comes down to a couple of things.
- If only one of you is ready for the breakup then you have to accept the other person is going to have trouble coming to terms with the loss of it.
- If you’re the one who wants to end the relationship, there’s things you can do to help make it better for the two of you.
- Even if you’re not ready for breaking up but your partner is, accepting it and letting them go will be much better for you in the long run. Especially, if you are holding out hopes that they will come back to you.
Unfortunately, there isn’t a single way to know if a relationship is truly over. It’s a decision that can only be made by the people involved. And that’s what makes it so hard because if only one of you is ready to break up and the other one isn’t, then how do you know which of you is right?
You can’t start a relationship with someone, no matter how much you might want to, unless that person goes along with the idea. But ending a relationship doesn’t require the two of you to come to a mutual decision. It’s a one way street.
Ending a relationship when you’re sure it’s really over is often the best course of action. And sometimes, it’s the key to realising that it wasn’t really over anyway. (Speaking from personal experience here). So regardless of which side of the relationship break up fence you’re on, take the time to read the article below and at least make sure you end it with dignity and thought for the person that you once loved.
As promised, here’s the article. You can read the original by clicking here.
There’s no great way to put it. You had a go at being together, and it isn’t working out. It may be over, but you owe it to your nearly ex-partner (and yourself) to be considerate. Angry, indifferent, or bittersweet, there are certain codes of conduct that should apply to every parting of ways.
Don’t Wimp Out
If you’re on the aggressive side of a breakup, the very least you can do is show up. That means no emails, no voicemails, no letters, and absolutely, indisputably, and unequivocally, no text messages. Some purists like to extend this edict to rule out phone calls as well, but honestly, sometimes a simple call is easiest for both parties. Most of us don’t really need to stare into the eyes of our soon-to-be exes. Whichever execution you choose, breakups should at least have the potential to be a two-way conversation. And that’s really best for everyone because that single conversation may be the closest to closure either of you get.Don’t Drag it Out
Once you know it’s over, don’t wait for the right moment. It will never happen. You might have saintly intentions in the short-term, but your procrastination will be twice as cruel once your partner realizes they were the only one manning the relationship in the end. Breakups are hard. Do it anyway. When there’s no turning back, a quick and decisive break is best for both of you.Don’t Take Cheap Shots
You’ll leave them feeling lousy — not only for getting dumped, but for caring about such a jerk in the first place. It may seem like science fiction now, but some day you might appreciate a friendship with this person. At the very least, you don’t want any chance encounters to come to blows. But while humanity and compassion are perfectly viable reasons not to stoop so very low, the best reason is a selfish one. Whoever they are and whatever they’ve done, their flaws can’t excuse yours. You owe it to yourself to maintain your character. Regardless of the circumstances now, you cared about this person once. That’s yours, and one day you may want to remember that fondly.Don’t Lie
Softening the blow with euphemisms may get you out of telling them about their halitosis, but laying blame where it doesn’t belong won’t cut it. For instance, don’t claim their thoughtlessness did them in, when it was really your steamy neighbor. They won’t understand why their most romantic overtures can’t win you back. While telling them their stories put you to sleep isn’t particularly helpful (someone else may find those snoozers fascinating), chalking up a split to their busy schedule won’t work either. Most of the reasons behind a breakup can be filed under information that doesn’t help anyone, but fiction is never the answer. Keep things vague if you must — just keep your sense of reality.Don’t Condescend
Put your sensitivity to good use, but hold the pity. Do your S.O. the favor of letting them escape as a whole and undamaged person in your eyes. You very well may be the best thing that ever happened to them, but they don’t have to know that you know that. As with all breakup rules of conduct, the guiding principle here is that both parties are treated as independently loveable individuals who just aren’t going to work out together.Don’t Rush a Friendship
Hopefully, the two of you part ways civilly and can put your knowledge of and respect for each other to use in a future friendship. Key word being future. Don’t confuse things by spending time together too soon. Even if you’re the exception — even if you’re really, truly, utterly certain you can handle it. The rebound friendship spells doom. You need at least three months apart before you can try building (or returning to) a platonic relationship. Give each other some space, then you can trust you’ve given your friendship a fair chance.
Related Posts:
- Breakup Advice – 5 Tips to Help You Survive A Breakup and Get Back With Your Ex At The Same Time
- Break Up Survival Guide
- Tips for Coping With Divorce
Tags: break up advice, ending relationship, Relationship breakup, survive a break up
